it’s been almost exactly 4 months… we all used to blog pretty constantly. and now barely anyone updates, myself included =

 

anyway, i was driving home from church this morning when (again), i realized just how much i enjoy leisurely driving and singing in the car (when i’m by myself, of course). a part of me just wanted to continue driving….to austin, to dallas, just downtown and back. this is how i find rest.
but practically speaking, it rarely happens. why waste gas like that, when gas prices are increasing so rapidly?
i can always just leave the car half running and sit outside my house, but people find that weird = and it’s still wasting some gas..or something…

all i’ve been doing lately is bum by watching tv. essentially wasting time, because it’s not all that restful.

 

as for the songs – songs have always held so many memories for me, and i think they always will. at least, i hope they do =)
i think that’s why i like music so much.

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this is a weird time to blog, but from experience, if i don’t do it now, it’ll never happen, haha.
also, this is a rambling and extremely collective post.

 

sometimes, i want to blog, but i’m afraid of who will read it.
other times, i want to blog, but am afraid no one will read it.

 

sometimes, i want to move far away, where i know nobody and will have to start anew.
other times, it’s plain absurd.

 

sometimes, i want to spend more time with more people.
other times, people are frustrating and i just want to block out the world.

 

sometimes, i want to spew everything out and feel refreshed.
other times, i think of the consequences.

 

sometimes, i finally realize i can turn to Jesus, who
always, is there to listen with unconditional love.

 

maybe, just maybe, it’s time i learn to depend on You.

Laura Story’s “Blessings” came on my ipod at about the halfway point of my drive home today, and a mix of wanting to get the words right + really enjoying the melody & message of the song led to my repeating it a bajillion times (almost an hour), which is probably why the drive home felt a lot quicker than the drive to Dallas!
 
while i have nothing to complain about in life at this moment (it’s kind of flat…nothing bad, nothing super exciting. yeah….hopefully my life has not peaked. that would be kind of sad..), it’s still a song that hits home (at least for me), i feel, no matter what life’s situations (good/bad, school/work/play/all/none) =)
although i guess it’s more of a mellow song. but the lyrics make up for it for non mellow-song people?
 
but while i’m still (surprisingly) on my computer, here yall go:
 
 
Laura Story, Blessings:
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace.
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity.
We pray for Your mighty hand to heal our suffering.
 
All the while, You hear each spoken need,
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.
 
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?
 
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear.
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near.
We doubt your goodness, we doubt Your love.
As if every promise from Your word is not enough.
 
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea,
And long that we’d have faith to believe.
 
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?
 
When friends betray us,
When darkness seems to win, we know,
That pain reminds this heart,
That this is not, this is not our home.
It’s not our home.
 
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?
 
What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life,
Is a revealing of a greater thirst, this world can’t satisfy,
What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
Are your mercies in disguise?

on my way to work a few weeks ago, i looked up at the pretty skies and thought, as long as i see these paintings, i’ll forever be reminded of God’s creativity, of His presence.

today, i looked up at the skies and thought, maybe i’ve been too spoiled by every morning’s beauty. because it’s starting to feel the same; i’m beginning to lose the awestruck wonder. i reflected back on my previous thinking, slightly worried and a little disappointed in myself. a small corner of my mind berated the rest of me, whispering, now look what you’ve done! God will probably put you in your place soon enough. small corner. yeah….it’s possible. fits His humour. but what are the odds?

then the road curved, and i kid you not. the view was majestic. i spent a lot of energy convincing myself that it was good enough for me to see this, for everyone else on the road to be part of it. i did not need to snap a picture for the rest of the sleeping world, who had missed out. sooo tempted to take a quick picture, but…i stayed safe =)

a brilliant ball of flaming red-orange peeked out from the horizon. well by peeked, i probably mean halfway. peered? it, in turn, painted the brightening lightest-shade-of-blue sky with streaks of purple and rays of pink and orange, fanning the vicinity. i could barely tear my eyes away. probably as close to my idea of the perfect sunrise scenery as i have ever experienced.

the road curved some more, and the sun and accompanying streaks popped up behind part of the houston skyline.

 

 

it’s unfortunate my mental camera doesn’t remember much more than the verbal description/commentary going on in my head at the time. but i guess it didn’t need it. 
Good one, God.

in case anyone’s keeping score, He’s ahead, 120987561203978087^infinity – 0.

where to start, and how to tie it all together? haha.

 

the olympics closing ceremony (london 2012) was fun! more music than the opening, and a lot of british music has actually filtered over to US of A, surprisingly enough. here i thought americans have only been playing their own music (aside from the beatles and spice girls) until recently. it helps that people (almost) everywhere have to learn english, thanks to the UK and US, which i think made the 2012 games/ceremonies more open. whereas i don’t know much about rio, or brazilian culture or celebrities or music. i’m sure it’ll be fun and have a lot of dancing, but i won’t be able to connect as much/on the same level – at least, i don’t think so. who knows! this was probably the most “into” the olympics i’ve been though – except i barely remember much about beijing 2008 so perhaps this is how i always feel. i remember 8/8/08, lots of people, and a lot of fireworks. and michael phelps. and redeem team. my parents remember the big 4 from hk and jackie chan performing..?

but the sadness i felt at the closing makes me realize just how much of a sap i am. i got semi-emotional when people on the screen were emotional (both happy and sad), and then was super sad that this 17 day run came to an end. it was as if watching clips of athlete’s lives and performances on the big stage made them part of the family. well, that, and it was fun having something to watch, and knowing that a heckofalot of others around the world watched as well =) community!
anyway, i have trouble letting go and saying my goodbyes, which is something my parents have said since i was a little one. i think at that time, though, they were just making excuses for my rudeness at not saying goodbye. who knows.. now that i’m old, i realize i do dislike the real goodbyes, when they mean something (semi-)long term haha.

and now people are leaving one by one =( i’d rather be the one to leave and experience new things, knowing that i can always fall back on the people back home. safety net and all =P i have more difficulty in letting go, but ironically, in the same vein, i can skip straight to “moving on” and switch from one to the other. hrm.

 

ok, too long of a post. next up, church this morning, and a continuation of the scattering. and conversations. hope i understand these clues to myself haha. with the way my memory has been going, it’ll be a toughie.

i’ve missed writing. i should be an author! except i’d get no readers. maybe editor….. just need to find a potential budding author……or if i push my sister reall hard to become famous, i’ll become her manager! or i’ll just train to professionally race walk. oh, the options.

i may be transitioning back to old fashioned journaling…not that i’m doing it consistently. 

it’s just more convenient to pick up a journal and scribble thoughts down now that my computer is not always on. and working at a normal speed. haha. ok it’s actually pretty good, seeing as i’ve probably exposed it to tons of viruses and all that. but i rarely feel like blogging by the time i get done with organizing and checking other stuff….so then i don’t. and recently my thoughts have been confined to short lines typed into my phone to jog my memory for whenever i do eventually decide blog. since it’s been a long while, well…journaling is probably the way to go.

 

but no worries, my life is still uninteresting =)

 

and i miss bo ai…and asia…and making new short-term friends with the hope that they’ll stay long-termers. and traveling, as always.

if only companies would be ok with letting people take unpaid days off. i don’t mind not getting paid a few days just to wake up late for no reason, on a non-holiday, non-weekend day. 

 

and dang it, spent wayyy too much time looking at tycan pics on china. and in my external harddrive. 4.5 hrs of sleep omgsh. and i was thinking of going to sleep at about 8 earlier tonight. lured in by the adrenaline rush that was game 4 =

ok so stranger from russian federation has been alll over my blog and it’s starting to get weird. as far as i know, none of the people i keep up with are from or in russia. so wtheck. it was funny to get random footprints from there at first, but now…. kind of makes me want to private the blog again… but that means no rss feed = decisions, decisions.

 

being sunburned is no fun. 

 

had other thoughts yesterday, but too lazy to type them out. maybe another day.