hk people are so rushed that most of them take the last few steps of the escalator, instead of waiting until it completes its course…

top 3 fears-
1. that i’ll get to the end, to realize i never made it
2. that my life is/will be useless (i’ll have made no impact on anyone around me)
3. that i’m being judged by others, and found wanting

actually, the bright side of #3 is that i’m so worried about other people judging me for what i do, that i don’t (usually) have time to judge others for what they do. sorry, i’m self-centered like that. i think the only people i’m not worried about being judged around are my parents – because of their “obligation” for unconditional love (in quotes bc parents don’t really have that obligation, but they’re good parents and so they kinda do haha). i guess the closer people get to me, the easier it is to not worry as much, but there are still moments…

and then there are times like these when i’m thrust in the midst of strangers and acquaintances, and though my head is usually filled with the melody of whatever song’s currently stuck in my head (atm, one of the songs from secret garden and “no other” by super junior. i’m not even a kpop/drama person. sigh friends >.<), my subconscious (partly under some influence of Satan?) is usually poking at me, trying to make me aware of potential judgments.

 

how does one get this to stop? must also work on being farrrr less self-centered.

 

also, even when i’m somewhat disciplined in reading the Bible, i’m still missing out on the relationship aspect. some help, please?

 

ok. monday #3. 5 more to go after today. time to get crackin’ (tried to come earlier today so i could check on some stuff i’m supposed to be done with so i don’t use office time to “check” my work haha – fear of disappointing others and judgment? check.)

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