i will miss…
the [kinda] independence
the freedom to go wherever, whenever
..knowing that i’m growing up, but not all there yet. and being ok with it.
one week later..
i’d always wondered how other people could be smiling so widely while singing praises to God. it was something i wanted to do, to show that i was happy, but somehow, i always felt somber, with a stern expression, sad, even. in my defense, it’s a serious thing! to be singing to our Creator, our Savior. it’s not something to joke about… then again, i’m asian, and everything is serious to us. so how awesome was it, that after jeff mangum’s sermon last week, when we all gathered to sing at the top of our lungs, i found myself smiling broadly. for reasons known only to God, i finally began to sing joyfully because of how He has blessed me. rather than singing sorrowfully at how i fail repeatedly, i was reminded that God has blessed me with so much that i’m so unworthy of, and it made me happy. of course, hearing the swell of everyone’s voices at certain parts of certain songs made me smile all the more, because of the passion that was pouring out from within. and then when i saw a man hold up and rotate his phone, taking a video of how incredible it all was….i wanted to start laughing at God’s goodness, at His faithfulness.
one of the many, many things i owe to stone, to God’s working through stone in me? that i’m finally ok at singing aloud – not just standing there, still and staring. not just mouthing the words so that others wouldn’t suspect anything. but actually singing, sometimes even hearing my own voice (weird as it may be). and having that carry over to singing in the car, or just randomly here and there.
i would count and list my blessings, but i feel that everything in my life is a blessing.
graduating in exactly a week. i’m gonna miss this place…..5 years, that’s a good chunk of my life.