LOVED austin stone today

everyone filing in and filling half of frank erwin… i admit, during some parts of the singing i just stopped to listen to the crowd’s voices – and there were times when i would just sing while scanning the crowd. seeing and hearing it all…just brought me a lot of joy =)

and the message was indeed restoring. i guess i just never realized the extent of the denial, how much it would have hurt Jesus..
i’ve just been learning about Jesus’ humanity over the week – i’m like the disciples, who didn’t understand how important Gethsemane was, who fell asleep when Jesus needed their prayers and comfort in His time of pain and suffering.

can you imagine? you’re suffering like none other, you want your friends to support you, to love on you, to be there for you
…and instead they succomb to their flesh and fall asleep. you’d think if they really loved you, they’d understand the gravity of the situation.
i guess it’s happened to me before (in less important situations of course), and maybe i’ve done it to others? but i know it hurts when you think they don’t care – except, we’re all human, so there’s no point in expecting perfect understanding from them, because i know i’m not at that level either. if anything, just accept others for who they are and who they’re not, appreciate them, and be glad God is perfectly faithful. that’s my take on it, at least.

also, here’s a secret: when matt carter extended his “if you’ve never accepted Jesus as your savior” invitation, i think it was the first time in awhile i haven’t had any doubts. first time in awhile i didn’t pause and ask myself “should i do it too, just to be sure? ..it wouldn’t hurt to accept Jesus twice, right?” instead, i knew that i’m alright, i’m in a good place. still have lots to learn, lots to practice – but no more wondering =)

whenever i ask non-christian friends to church – and they agree to go – i have a hard time focusing just on the message, or just on the praise. i keep thinking, what do they think about it? do they know i’m glad they’re here, that they’re willing to give up their time to listen? do they think i want them brainwashed, converted on the spot? i’m paranoid that they think i have an ulterior, sinister motive, that they feel uncomfortable, that………
i strugged with it initially today, but i think God just took it away without my asking, and i was able to listen to the message and praise Him along with the many many many others there. God is good.

 

 

starting about 2 weeks ago, it hit me that my time with this powerful, moving church is limited. i’ve been attending for 3-4 years now….it’ll be weird not attending it consistently. i’ll miss it for sure. so i guess every time i’m with other “stone”rs, i just make sure to look around, to drink it all in, to appreciate what i’ve had. i never got involved (i’ve had my excuses, but it’s still a regret), but it’s been good to me. God’s been good to me through this place. so now sundays are bittersweet moments haha.

 

someone please get me the live-worship cd if it comes out after i leave atx. thanks =)

 

spurs lost last night, and i didn’t watch. instead, i was role-playing (but more reading than acting) a gypsy fortune-teller type character. i had a good time. there was a moment, right before the movie began, where i surveyed the room around me…..while i don’t talk to everyone there individually, it was one of those mental snapshots that i’m hoping will stick around for awhile.
only two weeks left of school, and the main mall lawn is freshly green, which means graduation is right around the corner, which means i’m back listening to those late 90s/early 2000s songs.

 

currently on repeat: Breathe (2am) by anna nalick – i’d heard it before, but grey’s brought it back for me.

 

and i’ve been catching up on my royal couple news haha. wedding on friday!! i wanna watch. it might be at a weird/early time though, bc of the time difference. (thanks to a certain loser, i now know the time difference is around 6 hours) but we’ll see. maybe my mom will wake up and watch with me..

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