maybe if i start writing now, i’ll remember to continue sometime soon.
but i’ll just leave it at this:
firstly, it’s a truly amazing feeling, when you lift up your face and just listen to the crowd singing with all their hearts, worshipping our Almighty Father altogether.
that, and i really enjoy hearing crowds of people singing passionately – good or bad, everyone blends into one.
secondly, i felt really comforted today when Aaron Ivey said the band was going to sing a song over us =)
thirdly, when the lyrics spoke of Jesus’ pity, love and pow’r – i was moved. i envisioned myself walking towards Him, wrapped up in His embrace. and it was comforting. (you can tell i really enjoy being comfortable and all forms of it). on the other hand, if someone spoke of a peer’s pity for me, i would look at them in disgust, for pity is not an emotion i want directed at me, for me, towards me, whatever. i would prefer to not have your pity, save it for others, thanks.
fourthly, i always sit in the dark – or stand – during and after the message, motivated to both speak of it and act on it. share it with others who might not have heard it. discuss it with those who have. blog about my thoughts (which i guess i am somewhat doing now, but not really).
today’s message was about true versus false repentance, and again, we were called to bring our sins into the light. at that moment, i started thinking of names of people i would bare my soul to, and what i would confess, holding nothing back because i knew i would be doing the right thing.
and yet, this is the closest i see myself getting. a half-admission that there is something, but not much more.
i shrink back, in trepidation and anxiety, i blame the passage of time, i don’t own up to it (well i want to, and i kind of do, but not really), it’s still all in the darkness, and the only step i’m achieving is acknowledging that i’m sinning against my God. except sometimes it’s more and sometimes it’s less.
this is me praying that i’ll see another day, when i do achieve all the action steps and find myself truly repenting.
until then, this is what you get.
i sound dark and gloomy haha, but i’m not really. i do need to be more productive though. seriously. and study. and set study times. and study. and sleep and wake up properly.
there are less than two months before i outgrow this place – plenty that i haven’t done, and plenty with whom i need to spend time. yikes!
oh, if this matters, i gave in and published an rss-feed (a little less privacy, or rather less in my control, but i’m ok with that for now). if this doesn’t make sense to you, that’s ok, don’t worry about it =P