here’s something that’s been on my mind constantly for the past couple of years

 

i’ve been incredibly blessed throughout my entire life.

– i was born healthy: body, mind..teeth..hair.. – and for the most part, i still am, i think.
– i’m relatively decent at most of the things i try/put some sort of effort into: sports, music, school, random games/activities..
– i was born into a God loving family who love each other (for the most part..sometimes we don’t like each other, but we get past that relatively quickly as well)
– as far as i know, nobody hates me, and i don’t hate anyone – no enemies (hopefully)… again, there are people i get along better or worse with, but i’ll chalk that up to personality and natural chemistry, rather than like or dislike
– i’ve never been in need of anything, and very rarely am i in want (because my parents spoil me, even though we like to believe otherwise)
– my life is extremely comfortable.

 

so why am i not living life in a way where i can show God how thankful I am for all the blessings He has showered upon me?
don’t get me wrong, i don’t mean that i want to do good for God so that i can prove that i’m worthy of these things, or so that my blessings will continue.. but more of..
when someone gives you something really great, or does something that really improves your day, isn’t it our natural tendency to want to show our gratefulness in some manner? whether by reciprocating their gift or actions, or just by telling everyone else how great they are for what they’ve done for you? or even just by thanking them over and over again, until they have second thoughts of helping you because you’ve become so annoying…

and i’m only considering the blessings in my life! i haven’t even brought up the fact that God sent His son Jesus to bear all our burdens and sin, all His wrath, so that after we die we can spend eternity with Him in Heaven, with no suffering and regret and torment. my blessings are pretty minuscule in comparison, but they’re still here, nonetheless.

 

i go through life day by day, wasting my time, wasting His gifts..ok so sometimes i’m able to help one or two other people, make a small difference in a speck of time in someone’s life. i even go out of my way sometimes (moreso in the past few years) just to be helpful..to not feel useless (being useless and un-needed is one of my top fears, maybe second to Hell), i guess.
but that’s it…

maybe that’s the danger of leading a comfortable life. i enjoy it so much i don’t really want to see things change. maybe my outer brain thinks of all these things, but deep inside? i just want things to remain as they are, so i can keep living my comfortable life, enjoy what i have, enjoy what’s around me.

 

know what this is called? s.e.l.f.i.s.h..g.r.e.e.d.y..s.c.a.r.e.d..u.n.g.r.a.t.e.f.u.l.

i reciprocate my friends’ gifts and actions and words more than i do God’s. i speak more highly of people i admire (hugh jackman, for example) than of God.
how does a friend’s good conversation compare to God’s gift of my life?
how does that phrase go… a drop of rain in the ocean? a grain of sand in the desert?

 

God, teach me to love You more, to put You above all else. and Thanks. for everything.

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