this is going to be completely random because i have nothing with which to link my thoughts. except that they’re all mine.

1. its easier to ask potentially awkward questions online because you don’t have to deal with the expressions that may or may not follow. or any pause that happens could simply be attributed to your conversational partner being away from the chat screen at that time, rather than the deliberate ignoring or awkward silence that may have resulted in-person

2. talking with people and finding out what they’ve been up to (hopefully not in a nosy all up in your business way), and finding out more about their lives thus far, is a TON more interesting than doing homework. i’m not sure if this is due to the fact that my line of schoolwork deals with stoic numbers and not living stories, or because i haven’t found that passion-inducing area of interest… just have to keep trusting that God knows what’s up with my life, and that no matter where i am, He can and will use me as long as i’m willing

3. i spend a lot of time in conversation (online, not in person), but it mostly deals with surface level topics. well not exactly, but it deals with our physical lives, and for some reason, although i’m the older one and thus supposed to bring up these things (in the natural scheme of things), i find it awkward to initiate spiritual topics, or even asking to pray for others, unless it deals with something we’ve just covered in church or small group. maybe because i haven’t been used to it, which makes me think its awkward even though it may be normal for others. i dunno

4. i like waking up early, which is when i’m usually the most productive (when i’m awake enough), but time flies by really quickly in the evenings, and i never sleep early enough. which means i’m never willing to wake up early anymore, and even if i somewhat wake up, i allow myself 3-5 more minutes to sleep, which ends up as an extra hour, making me late to class

5. this year is quickly coming to an end. i’ve spent a good deal of the year trying to make up for the lost years, trying to get to know my fellow seniors better, spend more time with them as this is our last year as the “senior class.” but what about next year, when they’re gone? would i have been better off trying to bond with all the younger kids this year instead, so it’d be good next year? but i don’t want to be that creepy upperclassman hanging out with underclassmen.. it’d be like i have no friends of my own. or maybe i just overthink everything because i am a paranoid person

6. i call myself a Christ-follower, and yet i don’t think i’ve fully comprehended God’s love for us, for me. i know it in my head, but sometimes i feel like there’s a shield, a layer, a wall between this absolute truth and my heart. because i wouldn’t be so distant, so negatively stubborn in my actions, if i really really grasped this.

7. i’ve been the same for so long it’d be weird to change and/or branch out. this is why i’m more open to trying new things in foreign lands, where nobody knows me and thus won’t comment about these potential changes. what are the chances of me becoming someone completely different after graduation? it’s all good, i agree with “slim to none” =P

8. i’m definitely more self-conscious than people give me credit for. actually, i think i had something else to type out, but i went back to edit a previous point after typing out “8.” and now have plumb forgotten what was supposed to go in here. so that first sentence will have to suffice for now

ah. 9. i remember now. technology. technology is great, i agree. i’m more dependent on the internet and my computer than others i know, i watch a ton of television..etc. but at the same time, i don’t think i can deal with having a smart phone, or a phone with internet. because that’s when e-mail can be accessed 24/7, when people expect you to receive messages and respond ASAP. and maybe for social purposes, i wouldn’t mind doing that. but when it comes to work-related communications, i’d like to be able to get away at times, to be at peace for awhile. ok yes, as of now i’m greedy and take more peace than i can afford, staying away from work as long as possible (even going over that “possible” limit), but what happened to those days when the only time people could be contacted was through home phones? people managed to live their lives (the only negative thing i can think of is in emergency cases) – life was still good, no? it’s just that with emerging technology, we’re all supposed to keep up and then everything just gets more complicated and stressful…. how do you compete unless you’re on the same level?

10. maybe i’m just having these thoughts because i’m listening to old music (brian mcknight, air supply, madonna – blame glee! bsb, etc) and life as a kid back then was definitely a lot simpler than it is now. someone teach me to enjoy and embrace responsibility and independence?