i feel like there’s always something to potentially blog about.. is this just I_T_ thinking? i apparently fluctuate between INTJ and ISTJ..

but this weekend has been a good thinking/learning experience, i would say.

on saturday, senior sg had a potluck with andy wong as our guest speaker, to field questions about our finances after graduation. we ended up doing an extremely long Bible study of the passage in Matthew about the shrewd manager, which i must have read before, but for some reason couldn’t remember…
and then a bit of q&a afterwards.
even though i’ve heard this before, it bears repeating:
instead of looking at it as “how much of my money will i give to God?” think of it more as “how much of God’s money will i keep to use for myself?”
which roughly translates to, everything we have is not actually our own, but rather God’s that he is entrusting in our care for the moment. it’s like someone telling you to watch their stuff while they go to the restroom, or helping someone to hold their stuff because they have a lot at the moment and you have the time. except not, because these are flawed examples. either way, what’s in our possession right now is not ours to own, capiche?

so then… why am i so possessive? i mean yeah, there’s a line between 1) knowing things are not ours and thus we should share and give freely and 2) sharing so freely that it’s not legal (aka homework/test answers-sharing, or sharing things that aren’t even in our possession). but still, why am i so possessive? why do i act as if i own “my” stuff, as if only people who are in my good graces can borrow “my” stuff on MY time?

basically, if everything belongs to God, and nothing belongs to me, how on earth can i still be so selfish? it’s like i have nothing and yet am unwilling to share said nothingness. it makes no sense logically -_-

today’s stone message given by matt carter packed a rather powerful punch as well.
on genesis 6:1-6, and how the sons of God only acted according to God’s wishes and purposes until the ways of the world came along and offered a better deal (the beauty of the daughters of men). which then got God upset and furious, which led to the Flood.
matt tied it to some other passages (very powerful but more than a little scary), including the parable of the sower. he made sure to say again and again, no one who has received salvation, who has truly been saved, will ever lose that salvation.
HOWEVER, he went on to say that a majority of current God-followers are like the seeds without roots, or those in thorns. they fall away, and it’s not like they lose their salvation, but that they never had it in the first place.
wow. rather scary but true words, no?
as per matthew 24 and philippians 1, those who are truly saved will be those who endure until the very end, no matter what happens, because Jesus will endure them.

i think my greatest fear is dying and ending up outside the pearly gates, to realize that i may not have been truly saved….what would i do then…..like honestly, what is the point of life without the realization of the promise of God’s perfection waiting after?

then matt ended with a suggestion to Phil 2 (work out your salvation with fear and trembling), and to find some time alone, to think deeply, with brutal honesty:
can the world make me a better offer?

and we all have something (or things) that might make us at the very least do a double take, spend some time ruminating, if not pursuing this so-called “better offer” outright…
so then we can only keep a watchful gaze on these potential pitfalls and turn to God and beg Him to endure us till the end.
if anything, it’s not “never falling” that’s required of us, but that we always return to God after we fall. like a rubber band..we stretch our limits a lot, and it’s not always (if ever) a good idea, but the most important thing is that we don’t break, but return back to our originator.

i don’t know about you, but i’m glad God is merciful as only He can be…and I pray that He endures me until the end. with Him on our side, there is nothing left to fear…