its 442am and i’m still awake..
9am eco tomorrow…..on the bright side, there’s no quiz!
for the past two days, i’ve been thinking a day ahead + spring break just around the corner
ie. thought wed = thurs, thurs = fri, and that just after the weekend was spring break
none of this “one more week” nonsense

i think my take home paper/test due on monday will be adversely affected by this erroneous point of view..

so why am i still awake at 444am?
memories, and proof of the past. i’ve spent the past 2 hrs reading up on old email from the past 4 years, with each email bringing up random memories, both humorous and bittersweet. it’s so easy to read over old records now.. everything typed is saved in some fashion – luckily everything’s saved in a fairly accessible fashion… (see: email, facebook, xanga) – although i do think facebook has gypped me of some wall posts. but that’s ok, i forgive you.

446am.
looking back on email proof, i was able to realize the following:
1) freshman year was fun! maybe i was just really “young” and way too free, but issues/stress were mainly school-related. “oh no i haven’t read. aw man there’s a quiz. oh good! no quiz today!”…”man this person’s just using me for homework answers…oh well”. admittedly, i was meaner than i remember…but i think this mean-ness was only aimed at a very few number (how special!)

2) sophomore year was a definite LOW. i don’t understand where it came from, but i went from a carefree, somewhat light-hearted freshman to a miserable “doom&gloom” sophomore. not to say i didn’t have any good times, but towards the end especially, and scattered throughout the year, i was just… ugh. i’m surprised people who knew me then are still friends with me. it wasn’t just a personal “yuck” year, but when i believed those feelings could be attributed to other people, i wasted no time in trying to cut them down with words. even though it’s all in the past, when i re-read some of what i had to say, i cringed internally at how..biting and bitter i was. if it were the other way around and someone else had told me those things, i might have just walked away in tears…..

3) my junior and senior years i’ve clumped together.. i think the push from being on NSM last year has helped me loosen up a bit and be more open to new people. i thought i’d always been open to meeting people and getting to know them better, but i think it really started from NSM junior year.. i guess when i had the “responsibility” to lead by example, i had a clear purpose and did my best. and it’s carried over a little in that i’m more open than i used to be – in varying situations, even though i’ve seemed to regress a little this year.
sometimes, change is good =)

thus, even though fb pictures show that i looked exactly the same 4 years ago, i’ve definitely changed. not in a way immediately noticeable to myself, but perhaps it’s noticeable to others, and for sure, it’s noticeable in my communications and relationships with others. for the better, of course.
at least, that’s what i’d like to think

thanks for being my friend through the roller coaster better known as my college career.

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