Sunday, April 19, 2009

*BREAKING NEWS* so it looks like i’ll be in hk + singapore for another summer… except a LOT longer in hk than before.. 1.5 months haha and then maybe .5 or 1 in singapore..
[^ that was added in I think on Monday, April 20]

it’s been over a month since my last post on xanga, despite my half-hearted attempts to return once in awhile. i wanted to write towards the end of spring break, about how – as usual – i would miss home and rockbanding all the time and the people at home. i wanted to write about school, and how i was slipping back to my old sleeping habits (as in, not waking up early to do stuff) because there was less “homework” due per class. and then i went home again last weekend, on a saturday because of good friday large group (TGIF) / talent show, which went well =)

but now it’s over a month. and only a few more weeks until the end of yet another school year. the end of junior year. why do i still feel like a freshman? and i keep thinking about high school, too. it’s crazy how some people are already graduating from high school, but then i realize that most people in my year are graduating in ONE YEAR. and either going to more school or entering real life. and that’s just unfathomable. i’ve been trying to keep up with high school friends so much that the thought of having to make the effort to keep in touch with college friends hasn’t even been a priority. but…when i think about it, which people would i want to keep up with, anyway? (ok that’s kinda sad, but i’m being honest here).

i mean, yeah there are people who i’ve met/gotten to know better here with whom i would want to keep in touch, but most of them are people i see at home, people whom i surprisingly never knew back in the three years i was there full-time. i guess we’ll all go our own ways after graduation, but i don’t even know what i’m doing this summer (surprise surprise, first time in a long while i haven’t planned for summer a few months in advance), let alone when i’m “grown up”.

haha ok i don’t feel “grown up” at all.. maybe it’s cuz i have a much younger sister, but i always fall back into being babied when i go home..taken care of 24/7. i guess that’s strange, given i’m now 20 and oh so close to being thrust into the real world – and 2 years is nothing compared to 20. although the non-teen year makes me feel uber old =(

wow i’m schizo writing-wise…

it’s also amazing how much can happen over a span of a mere week. how my motivation for everything can sink so fast – almost as if an anvil was attached to a cloud of motivation, dragging it down faster than even the rate of gravity….
motivation to search more, to search harder
motivation to wake up early, to be productive
motivation to be social
motivation to know more people deeper
and last but certainly not least… spiritual motivation

Monday, May 11, 2009

It’s been almost a month since I started writing this post.

Within that time, my summer plans have completely changed… instead of hk, i’ll now be in brownsville, tx for 6 weeks before going to singapore for a month. I’ve updated xanga a bit here and there. And school has ended, whereas finals are about to begin – as for studying.. I’m not quite sure how it fits into these dead days…..especially when half the seniors and a few juniors don’t have any exams to stress over -_- Senior farewell was this past sunday, as was the last ’08-’09 NSM get-together = My sleeping schedule has completely flipped, which means…. my personal spiritual life is lacking as well. The silver lining is that I’ve been more involved in community events and spiritual conversations. Oh and I’ve (somehow) reverted back to my sophomore priorities of people before school – talk about bad timing…

and….for the most part, I agree with the rest of the things I wrote out last month.

unfortunately, my mindset is not on that track anymore and i cannot expand on where i left off

one thing before taking a nap/sleeping…
sometimes, i really really wish that i weren’t so attached, that i honestly and truly could learn to just let go and let it be.