“be careful what you wish for…”

i’m not really sure why i’m feeling like this right now – prob has to do with my lack of sleep.. i’m rather grumpy and not very fun in times like these…
but another part of me thinks.. i wanna go home, yes for family, but also to get away, to relax and not have to answer to this or that, do this or that, just.. be.
i guess with lots of visitors over the next week, home won’t be as much as place for that as it was over winter break… i won’t be able to wander up and down randomly at whatever time i please, since i’ll have to be courteous =
but i went off on a tangent… since coming back, my family has been all over me. and i don’t think i like attention so much.. like it’s nice that they care, but i like my alone time. i don’t need my dad asking me every 5 seconds “so what do you want for your bday?” and when i shrug or say “nothing” or “i dunno”, he walks away just to come back 5 sec later, asking the same thing
…didn’t i just answer him?
i dunno it’s partly because of lack of sleep, but partly, i really do want my own time…..
maybe that’s why i stay up late so much… so i can kinda be on my own at home…

and this can be expanded to other things, other people as well… sometimes i’m really excited about spending time with people, talking to others, playing with others. but other times i’d rather not. not that i don’t like the people, but i’d rather not have to gather up the energy (ok that sounds bad, but ugh i dunno how to explain it..)
like… sometimes how i act isn’t because of the people, but because of my mood? so sometimes i’d be really eager to have long drawn out conversations (phone, online, in person), i’d be happy to play games and be in large crowds, cater to people’s needs, answer questions, on and on.
and other times, i’d just rather not. i’m too wired and distracted to keep to something for a long time. i’d rather just get to the main point, get it over with, and move on.  stay in and read, or watch mindless tv, or…keep things to myself.

go figure.

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