i think i like getting to know people better..
it’s always fun when you realize, hey, i can talk to this person!
and even better when you can use information from previous conversations to follow up and let them know you were really listening =)
and a lot of times, people prove me wrong during those mini conversations, which i’m really glad about
course, there are more than enough awkward pauses within the talks, and then i feel like i’m supposed to be the one feeding the conversation, keeping it alive… so maybe through time and effort, i’ll be able to improve on it..

the one thing i’m afraid of, however, is having a prejudiced mindset from 2nd or 3rd impressions from people… i dunno if my intuition is right or wrong (it’s usually not wrong), but after meeting and talking a bit to most people 2-3 times, i leave with a feeling of either “oh if i talk to this person more, get to know them better, we could probably be friends” vs “i don’t think our personalities fit… we’ll probably become acqaintances, but not friends…”
although it may be natural and a part of life, i don’t feel that it’s very nice nor fair at all.. because then i’m more excited to talk to the people i mesh with better and less so with the others (NOT good for NSM).. thus now i’m trying to brush away those thoughts and instead, if a little more effort is needed to connect or reach out to some people, just to do that without any negative thoughts, any pessimism at all.. just try harder and let it be..
because i, for one, can sense it when people try to act the same, but it just comes off as fake…or maybe i’m just reading them wrong (but i’ll be hard-pressed to discount my opinion) – and honestly.. ok somewhat glad you’re making an effort, but i’d really rather not… and i really don’t want to be like that for other people… i want them to feel like i’m giving them a chance, that they should give me a chance as well, that i’m not just asking questions and listening to put a checkmark on my list and move on..not asking just to be nice because i really wanted to ask the people right next to them, and to skip over them would be rude..not asking just to keep up the appearances (not that i know people who do this, i’m just trying to think of other motives).

oh shoot its past 5… IM practice at 10:30 tmrw =(

sooooo interested to see how this year turns out in the end =)

my tongue hurts…

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