before i forget…
– it’s so weird to not have that giant tree in the backyard anymore.. i wonder how old it was before it got broken by ike =( but now when i’m in the laundry room at night and i turn on the light… there’s no tree to block the view — not that there are creepy people lurking around outside *knock on wood*, but since our fence is down, our neighbors can kinda see right into our house if our blinds are open.. which is kinda weird, seeing as we don’t know each other..
– dang it. i forgot -_- ARGH and i had it all eloquently planned out too!
[edit// I REMEMBER NOW!! it’s my teeth. my stupid infection prone mouth -_- it just randomly decides that a white squishy spot will show up and then cause pain.  or else it’ll just hurt without cause (at least not one i can find).  or it feels like i strained a muscle in my cheeks/mouth.  or just… something is WRONG with it and i can’t figure out what -_-]
– teahouse by the sweetwater kroger buy1get1free! goal: get one per day till i leave (tmrw). so far i’ve gotten watermelon and kiwi =)  taste-wise, i think every tapioca drink i’ve tried taste pretty much the same.. but this one’s cheap! which makes it better automatically.

moving on to the real stuff…

when i shower in the dorms, i’m rather paranoid – course, that middle of the night fire drill/alarm freshman year when i was showering didn’t really help >.< – and i keep thinking that i hear shouts from outside.. that there’s a fire alarm, that something went wrong and my shower is flooding the place, that the maintenance guy decided to check or fix something at the wrong time.. there are so many “what ifs” that go through my head, and before i know it, i’m stepping out to peace and quiet, before i can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

at home, i don’t need to worry about any of these things – well except for when i’m showering home alone, and then i worry about not hearing the alarm go off cuz of all these random situations… thing is, i end up thinking a lot. a lot a lot. healthy or not, it’s up for debate.  but today, i began to see how pieces of the puzzle were finally fitting together.  things happen for a reason, right?  there’s a purpose for everything, for everyone?

i can’t tell if this is reassurance, a gift, or my own twisted logic to make things “reasonable”, but i finally came to a bit of a conclusion, cleansing myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  i know i have a bad habit of impatience, of acting and reacting before giving it more than enough time, and it’s possible that this is another one of those instances.  if so, i’ll pay dearly for it when the time comes.  but if this is indeed God’s answer, and i finally heard Him, then… wow.
as it is, nothing big has changed, but hopefully i’ve become more motivated now.  and hopefully i’m beginning to learn discernment. and obedience. and willpower.

Please, God, and Thank You.
whatever it takes

oh and as usual… perfect timing =)