sometimes i wish more people returned to xanga, i wish more people read.
then again, i like xanga because it is more private than facebook (due to the lack of readers), but still “public”…

indecision. i’m quite adept at it… i can turn anything into some sort of indecisive decision thing. do i make sense? not sure. perhaps not. its getting late, yet i must not sleep.

here’s my main purpose…
i feel like my life is changing quite a bit this year, and for better or worse, only time will tell (well God knows, of course, so i’m banking that everything is for the better…except sometimes in the moment it doesn’t exactly feel like there’s a meaningful betterment ahead — yes i enjoy making up words.)
the only problem? i don’t respond well to change. i like dull monotonous methodical ways. i like the predictable. i like routine. i’m guessing i’m one of the few who do 😉
then again, if things change for the better (as is usually the case) who am i to argue against it? to step in the middle of the road and make it yield and wait some more? perhaps i don’t mind the results of change, but rather it is the “change” part that worries and frustrates me. when will i learn to be more receptive?

but yes. life changes, and i just have to learn to get with the program, to deal. and without sounding too nerdy (i’m a slacker, not a nerd), i was just reminded of group transporters (a form of active transport, i’ll have you know — blame microbiology >.<) When substrates are brought in through those transporters, they are chemically modified, and once in, they cannot go back out. the change allows them entrance but provides no exit. once changed, there’s no going back, no matter how hard you try.

that’s life. changes happen, and no matter how much you wish they don’t, too bad. there’s no going back. follow the path in front of you.

this isn’t meant to be depressing or pessimistic or sad. yes, its not upbeat or especially optimistic, but the thing is, it all comes down to this: Everything that occurs, everything that takes place, every single thing that happens, does so for a reason – there’s a reason for it, a logic to it all.
We might not know the secret, but hey, we don’t need to. There’s already someone taking care of it for us, taking care of us   Life’s nothing compared to eternity.

yes, i still miss the past, i still wonder many “what if”s, i still look fondly upon those memories i have (quite surprisingly i actually remember some things). and yes, i worry about the future at times, and the present doesn’t always sit well with me. but that’s ok. C’est la vie. so you might as well throw in a little Carpe diem

i’ve missed writing 🙂

randomness – i like star wars. now that it is back in my mind, i keep wanting to use the phrase “young Padawan” haha

the past two weeks have been rather draining; i think it is time to refresh and restore. restart.

PS. God’s been good to me. He’s always really nice – generous and faithful – no matter whatever else is going on in life.