[edit] CONGRATS to people who got baptized today (4/16/06)!!!  …koh1/mad, kim, and tiff ko + 24 or so others
what’s that phrase…? oh yeah… may God continue to work wonders through all of you =) [end edit]

this is as personal as it gets (for me, that is)…so savor the moment, cuz you’re not getting more =P
warning: extremely long.
originally typed: 04/06/06, 2:03 AM

1. i randomly get addicted to songs after listening to them for like…five times straight. this is rather annoying, as i end up liking the horrible-est songs -_-     and i don’t get tired of a song unless i’m listening to it (and nothing else) for about five consecutive days… yup, i don’t mind routine

2. remember what i said a long long time ago? “no ‘best’ friend(s)”?? yeah i still stand by it. sorry =P i mean, i have close friends and all, but i hate labels…they mess everything up. so i just have acquaintances, friends, and closer friends. that’s it. i’m fine with it all =)

3. i do things i know i will regret. regret mostly sets in the next morning, the next day, in a few hours. whatever. even though i KNOW i will definitely regret what i do, what i AM doing, i continue on. i’m too stubborn for my own good, and even when i KNOW i should change my ways, i’m too stubborn to change. its somewhat of a vicious cycle. fun.

4. i think i like helping others more than myself. that is, unless “others” is annoying me. then i don’t like helping them. but if i’m able to help, if its easy to help, its all fun. don’t expect me to do the hard stuff though, as i’m too lazy to exert myself for any purpose whatsoever.

5. i always feel like a hypocrite. no matter what i do. no matter what i say. some people insist that deep down, i’m not that rude/depressing =P. right. either way, i still feel like a hypocrite all the time. false front? present. WHO AM I really? deep down? i haven’t a clue. Why do i do  the things i do? i dunno. whatever. i don’t like analyzing myself. too depressing, i think. cuz then i realize…i don’t know anything.

6. no common sense. check. no memory. check. no hearing. check. hmm. i lack many things. pity me =)

7. i hate debates/discussions. they turn into arguments, and i’m never ready for them. i’m a bad argue-er. and it doesn’t help that i’m too lazy to think deeply (unless the situation really calls for it). and i don’t remember anything helpful. what DO i remember? umm…a random song i liked (typical of me, i forgot the title/artist) was used in a commercial while i was watching my house tape last week. i think. something like that.

8. i tend to piss off people quite often, and i myself get po’d easily. most people realize when i’m po’d. actually, it depends. if i want others to know i’m in a bad mood, its pretty evident. if not, i guess i hide stuff fairly well. it just depends how much (the extent) i try to keep it hidden.

9. emotions? who needs ’em? yup. i don’t like showcasing emotions. though most of the time, it seems… yeah everyone can tell. heh. but other than that, i don’t like other people reading my emotions. or trying to guess at what i’m thinking. or trying to analyze me. those are MY thoughts, MY emotions (or lack thereof). so back off. i don’t like being under scrutiny. that’s irritating. you know how they’re like…”you can read a person through the emotion in their eyes”? WHY? why would i WANT you to know something i’m trying to hide? ehh i take that back. sometimes i want people to try to figure out stuff…but sometimes… back off.

10. i have no clue what i want. that’s why my thoughts seem so contradicting. because they are. when i’m upset, i want privacy. but then i also want to rant. when i’m tired, i want to sleep. um actually, that isn’t all that contradicting. hmm. new situations. i HATE change, but then again, sometimes i think change will do me a world of good. and i’ll just hope everything turns out the best, and trust God to do the rest.

11. i try to cherish my memories. the thing is, i forget many things. or some memories may be tied to unpleasant thoughts and emotions. regret. sorrow. pain? i dunno, i don’t think i’ve really experienced that one. but i hate bittersweet memories. i mean, the memories are good, i guess, but… i guess the main thing is regret. i don’t like regret. and looking at my past, in the future? it seems i’ll have many things, though unknown as of now, to regret.

12. i don’t like people seeing me weak. that’s why i put on a strong front, i think. seeing as i don’t know what i think, this may be a lie. but i doubt it. oh i think this may tie in to the whole emotions thing as well… if you know what i’m feeling and thinking, you’ll know my weaknesses. and i don’t like that. so in school and stuff, a roach doesn’t really faze me…at home… MOM!!!! [jumps on a table to escape tiny thing] =)

13. heh at first i tried to go to 10. but then i realized i left out a few things. and 12 is random, so i went to 13, a good number =) umm…life. “life goes on.” i mean, if it stops, its no longer “life” right? yup. err… just live life? [insert shrug] no matter how bad it gets, someone’s got it worse. (heh i always wonder…but how bout the one who has it worst?) it helps that i know i can always depend on God, that everything works out according to His plans…and i dunno, i’ve run out of stuff to say. i probably have many more things to say, i just don’t remember or can’t think of them right this moment…


6 thoughts on “

  1. cindieee717

    wow, we do have lots in common. it’s like everything except 6 and 8. yeah…sometimes i dunno about emotions, there’re times i want to just talk to someone about it while also want to keep it to myself. usually i don’t really show how i really feel. haha songs. yes, i can listen to songs like on repeat for 100 times, and if those songs are the ones i hate..after the multiple repeats, they would meet my OK standard. i don’t really go by best friends either. i rather like to have lots of close friends than just one best friend. i think i want that because before i’ve always want a best friend but never found one…so figured having close friends works better ;D yeah, as for #5, i don’t think anyone really know who they really are. whoa..just everything you’ve said basically read every thoughts on my mind.


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