[edit 2.11.06] kudos to kathleen for understanding what i was trying to say in my own messed up, confusing way …and writing it out clearly (kinda) =P and to cindy for pointing it out lol
yeah. so its not really i’m acting differently because ppl see me differently, but just that i AM different around different people, so that’s how they end up seeing me.
err..seeing as i’m still making much sense… read crinoidea’s comment for better understanding.
and thx to those who made it clear how i can act in pretty much whatever manner and still be accepted =)
sometimes it feels as if i am three people. or four. or more. it’s not really what i do, or who i am, really. its more like…the people around me and how they affect me, my role in their universe. and i’m sure it IS who i am, despite negating that statement a few lines ago. i guess… different people see me differently. and it feels weird, because it feels as if i should act how that version of me would act, say the things that version of me would say, be the kind of friend/acquaintance that version of me would be.
sometimes, i don’t know WHO i should be, if that makes any sense whatsoever.
and that’s why i feel as if i am three or four or more people.
that’s why life has been weird lately**
that’s why i keep thinking about the past. again. and all the “what if”s.
well, that and the “life map” i was thinking of the other day. quite sad, cuz my life can easily be summarized in less than one page of paper, with arrows all over the place. but those arrows sure brought back old memories, both good and bad, moments of triumph and despair.
so really. “what is my purpose here on earth?”
a question brought up in church, though i believe it was meant to be thought of in a different manner. but no matter, as i’ve thought about this quite a lot after one conversation one day.
**when i’m not busy wasting time or panicking over school or thinking of ways to skip piano practicing (usually involving sleep) or looking for my missing internet =)